EEEWWW

Slug is a common name that is normally applied to any gastropod mollusc that lacks a shell, has a very reduced shell, or has a small internal shell.

IMO slugs = disgusting! Am sure you’re wondering just why I would choose to do a post on slugs of all things! Well it’s because am sick and tired of the goddamn things and am yet to understand why they were created.

I have never questioned God and I’m not about to start today but I need to see the reason for their creation otherwise I will continue to see them as the devil’s only way to make me go eek! and call for help.

The other day I wake up and there’s one just staring at me from my bedroom wall and I kid you not all the doors and windows were locked so the main question is how did the bugger gain entry.

I do not trust creatures that can walk on razor blades and not get cut. The only time am happy to see them is in the morning when they’ve been crushed by early morning motorists who unknowingly are doing the world a favor. I see a dead slug I go “the city is not a place for your kind” it’s also not a place for sheep but he still doesn’t understand.

This post has done nothing to reduce my fear of slugs but maybe now ONO will come faster when I see one in the bathroom and scream; and maybe just maybe God will accept my hundreds of prayer requests to make them extinct. Trust me slugs will take over the world not cockroaches slugs. BEWARE!

 

At this point I usually at this point insert a cute or funny pic but I can’t think of anything cute or funny at the moment

LOVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN

 

 

*Blowing dust off these pages* I should get a job that requires me to watch movies or read books for a living… If anyone knows of anything please holla my job gets more and more depressing.

So I understand that marriages after some time tend to turn sour and you don’t want to cuddle anymore or something as simple as the sound of your husband’s voice grates your nerves. I wonder is it love gone bad? Is it Love that drives the 2 people down the aisle or expectations?? I know what people are thinking same thing my mum always tells me; you’re young, wait till you get married you’ll understand.

So I would like to post a question after 5 years of marriage; the ups, the downs, the fights, tears, tickle fights and  countless cups of nighttime hot chocolate, if you’re given a clean slate, a do over, would you choose the same person?

My cousin Shiku who is more naive than a girl in form 2 should be, once listened to the ever popular breakfast show with that hippie Maina Kageni and when she heard people’s opinions on marriage, she is yet to understand why we want to get married or we keep telling her she should.

We are a generation that are more and more giving up on happily ever after and just looking forward to forever alone. I see folks who’ve been married for 50 years and still smile and laugh with each other the secret is in finding the right partner and loving someone for all the right reasons.

The movie “the Vow” is based on a true story about a couple who shortly after getting married get into a car accident and the wife suffers from amnesia. The chunk of her memory she has lost has to do with her husband from the time they met to when they got married. In her mind she is still stuck in College when she fell out with her family and hence has not spoken to them for 5 years.

Try as he might her husband cannot convince her that they were married let alone happily. She moves back with her family and her pushy father who never liked her husband in the first place is able to push for them to get divorced and he takes advantage of his daughter’s memory loss to get his way as concerns the direction her life will take.

I’m one of those awesome people who doesn’t tell even if am watching a movie for a second time but forgive the spoilers in this post. Long story short the couple rediscover each other and start dating and cliché as it may sound they get married again.

So y’all are thinking yeah yeah yeah!. That’s such a predictable story line but Hollywood did not create that. Its true. So I guess the question to ask yourself right now  is: would you fall inlove with your partner again given a chance? If you forget about the money, good looks and every superficial reason you might have fallen inlove with. Would you pick him again???

 

 

Fall in Love truly, madly deeply this month. Happy new month everyone.

 

TO ALL THE WOMEN

Today is international Women’s day and I celebrate being a woman. One of God’s greatest and most carefully created creatures.

Women were created special, not only did God make them especially beautiful and eye-catching, he made them incredibly strong. A woman will tell you she’s okay with tears in her eyes, she will smile and go about her stuff whilst every part of her insides feels like it is being torn apart. A woman loves and gives her heart fully and leaves absolutely nothing for herself. Nothing tops being a woman.

Women were created to nurture and give life. A woman’s strength is phenomenal.

Shakespeare said “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and nothing rings truer than this. A woman will love with all her heart but when she is hurt she will be out for blood and you do not want to step in her path.

Today as I celebrate my strength I pray for women who are abused and made to think they are nothing, may you find your strength. For all the little girls who are being born every minute, may you come into your strength and be good torch bearers.

If you are a woman and you’re feeling unappreciated, well I appreciate you and I thank God for woman kind and all we do and all we can be if we just put our mind to it. Never let anyone make feel than what you really are and always remember you.

 

NAG NAG NAG

 

Nag: to annoy by persistent fault-finding, complaints, or demands. Women have  been accused of being nags but I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s a genuine complaint or whether they just have to keep reminding the people in their lives constantly of something that means something to them.

I say this because today as I reach my tether’s end on very many issues I feel like I may be accused of being a nag in the past yet its something I constantly say and nobody pays attention to me.

It’s very frustrating to keep saying the same thing; don’t leave your shoes, return things where you found them, buy things on time, do this do that. sadly this role is more often than not left to women to play hence we get the title of nags.

I too get tired of always saying the same thing, pointing out the obvious and always sounding like a broken record. But if everybody else doesn’t care why should I.  I hereby hand in my resignation. I no longer care and I will not be labelled a nag. I am too cool and easy-going for that.

 

 

PMS

Dear Diary,

Am having a horrible day; you know the kind where you know a good cry would sort everything out but your tear ducts seem to be on vacation. I’m not sad and am not mad but I just feel really angry.

Am sure OnO will be shocked to hear that there are times when I have no tears seeing how they seem present at every argument and every surprise. yeah I said it am a girl and I like to cry. I cry at movies, books, stories and just everything that could happen in day-to-day life.

Meanwhile my colleagues keep calling me to ask little mundane questions that can be compared to adding fuel to an already raging flame.To add to this I have a pounding headache that just cannot be explained though I figure it could be due to the boiling lava underneath the surface just waiting to explode.

I guess this goes to show that still waters really do run deep, and you can now see how the gentle family pet can become the biting scratching animal that hurts all your babies.

I loove rain so lets hope the coming rain washes all this negativity away if not its up to OnO to cheer me up

WHAT IT’S BOILED DOWN TO

Dear Diary,

As you know it’s a habit for me to always read when am in a matatu, first it makes the trip shorter and second it always ensures the person next to me cannot strike up a conversation.

Today for the first time I closed my book and actually listened to matatu fm (as my good friends over on twitter call it). I really could care less what goes on in that show but the topic today actually got me to care. It seems women have been withholding sex to a point where their men are giving them ultimatums.

 

First and foremost let me just come out and say marriage is all about compromise as far as am concerned and ultimatums have no place in the institution, however,  even I agree that one caller’s situation called for drastic action. The long and short of it: his wife has not been in the “mood” for the past two months and when he asks she just claims she doesn’t feel like.

 

For starters; if you haven’t gotten any from your wife for two months, she’s giving it to someone else and vice versa. Once that is said and done let me ask, how many women actually enjoy “relations” with their partners? If you’re dating somebody and he’s leaving you unsatisfied more often than he gets the job done. If you have tried all ways and means to be on the same excitement level with your partner for as long as you have been together and it’s still not working. RUN.

SEX and lets not kid ourselves is important in any relationship. We all know how I feel about sex before marriage so shoot me if you don’t agree! Somewhere along the line a misunderstanding arose and this is that men are the only ones who enjoy the “do”. Well men do not be deceived women also enjoy it probably more than you do.

Women who hold out till they get what they want should know that if they’re using sex as a bargaining tool then they’re doing it wrong. Lay it down like never before and trust me come morning the world is yours for the taking all you have to do is ask.

God created sex as a good thing to be enjoyed by both men and women and so men communicate with your partner find out what she likes tell her what you like and be open-minded. Inhibitions and insecurities should be left outside the bedroom door as the first step to any relationship working. Granted communication is key but isn’t it easier to communicate when all parties are relaxed?

There are no universal standards when it comes to “dippity doo da” except that it should feel good for all parties involved. So if either one of the parties involved is left feeling cheated then one of you or even both is doing it wrong.

Play nice this weekend

 

 

 

MY JOURNEY

Dear Diary,

Growing up has not been easy I must admit; I remember as a child when mum would send the housegirl to wake us up for school, and I’d think lucky mum she gets to stay in bed while we wake up early and she gets to work which is soo much fun. Little did I know that a day and a time would come when I would want to go back to school.

Now that I look back at it, school will always remain the best time of our lives, all we had to do was study and even that does not sound soo bad compared with what we have to go through now. Top off my mind the number one thing I miss about school would be pocket-money. I remember every beginning of the term as I was being dropped off my dad would pull me aside and tell me

“your mum couldn’t have possibly bought everything you need so here’s some money to take care of the rest”

I would then heave my very heavy paper bag full of goodies and nice things and go into the school cursing every step because to my young mind it felt like prison. The teachers were the prison wardens who were employed to make our lives miserable. Let it be noted though that as much as I miss school I do believe that some our teachers genuinely had something shoved up their a** (pardon my French) and I would go back now as an adult just to bitch slap a few.

So I’ve been thing since growing is not optional atleast not in my case; I have a few things I would like to do before I turn 30 I realise it’s not that far away so time is of the essence and I must get started:

Most importantly I need to stop sending out those CVs and star receiving CVs; I know that each of us has a dream of being a business owner and for me it’s not any different. It is with this in mind that I promised myself to not post out anymore CVs even after handing in my notice. I cannot keep playing solitaire thinking am punishing my boss for mistakes he is making with HIS own company.

Next in line I need some discipline! What you talking about Wanja well  without discipline really how am I going to get anything done? I need to learn how to make a budget and stick to it, I need to chop off the finger that keeps hitting snooze on my alarm clock and I also need to realise that I will be a lot more tired in the future and that will not be a reason for me to put my legs up on the couch and relax.

I also need to realise that my mother and I are different people and much as I don’t agree with the things she does that doesn’t necessarily make her wrong. My friend Kui will know exactly what I mean by this and maybe with this in mind my house could once again become a peaceful area instead of looking like Vietnam and always having to tread carefully to avoid stepping on a grenade.

And now the fun stuff: I have postponed a photo shoot for the last one and a half years all because I was too busy but now I think am ready to do it so Anthony or Edwin should get ready for me. I believe it would also serve in my favour to remember the photographer’s name.

When I was in campus my best friend Mercy Mukami and I decided that we wanted to be on billboards and I think I still want to come true. I could be one of those yummy mummy’s telling people how Dettol keeps my family safe and all. This dream will be pursued.

Growing up is not fun but it doesn’t have to be painful and as much as am planning to do serious stuff am also planning on finally having some fun something which I’ve been too busy to do since I first got employed way back in 2007.

Life is a journey more so one of self discovery. I want when am 70 and sitting with my grandkids to know exactly who I am.

 

AVOIDANCE?? NOT ME!

Dear Diary,

On Saturday as I was peeling an onion to make supper I realised the onion had a root that was still intact and running all the way through the middle of the onion; usually I leave such onions for whoever cooks after me and move on to a better onion. WOW! I thought to myself I have avoidance issues! How does the onion point to avoidance issues? Well I leave the onion till someone else uses it and that takes care of the pesky onion or someone just handles it for me.

so many of us have avoidance issues without even realising it I don’t even know where to start this sermon! Yes I said sermon because am about to preach and I’m not even asking for sadaka (offering). Have you ever had something disturb you for so long yet you did not to bring it up or confront parties involved just to continue living on that fake cloud nine? you have avoidance issues.  Did you by chance see a mysterious text without intending to and you never asked about it? you have avoidance issues. Did you overhear something that gave you a huge gaping hole in your stomach and still you kept quiet about it? you have avoidance issues.

I totally understand why one would want to bury an issue or turn a blind eye on something that caused you discomfort but how does that help? I would rather be called nosy, nagging but have peace of mind. I happen to be a believer in leaving things as they are because I know that nothing can be kept a secret for very long but how long would I have to wait when just a question could ease all my fear and put my mind to rest?

Avoidance is not just when it comes to love. you may be putting off calling your best friend because you had a huge fight, you haven’t apologized and are hoping s/he will forget ( fat chance). You may be putting off going to school to get your grades just because you’re afraid you might have failed or you might not be starting that business because you’re afraid of failure and you can’t stand it if it doesn’t work out. Well quit it and put yourself out there. whats the worst that could happen right?

There is a heat in the stomach that comes with not knowing exactly what is going on; a feeling of doom not quite like nervousness but much much worse and the anticipation of doom that lurks around the corner just from voicing your concern, however, this is no reason to keep quiet and hurt alone. I would rather find out now and whatever the outcome deal with it NOW.

In 2012 I am giving up procrastination

 

 

 

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I read in my E-marketing book that a blog is a journal of sorts and hence I realize I may have been using you wrongly. I made a resolution  sometime back to never make a New year’s resolution because honestly I never stuck to them, however, this is the one resolution I have ever been able to stick to. I wonder why?

However, this year I broke that promise and made a resolution. I promised myself one thing; that this and all other years to come  I will love myself more. This might strange but here’s my take: We give so much of ourselves to others and sometimes they don’t even notice it. We bend over backwards to make other people happy at our own expense and not even a thank you.

To love myself is the greatest gift I can give myself and so dear self I award to you Love. I will not cry for anyone anymore, yeah am past that! I have to admit to myself that am growing older and remember that life goes on no matter what happens or who hurts me.

In a nutshell this is my year. To grow and to thrive. I will love myself and spoil myself and do what is just right for me. And if you see me forgetting to do this please remind me.

yours with love,

Wanja

 

 

 

 

PLAN B

 

Yesterday after what seemed like ages I switched on my TV… It was quite a process as I had to dust it, replace the batteries in my remotes and rediscover my comfortable spot. As you can already guess am not a big TV fan and can live without it infact other than that Soko ugali ad I have no idea what other ads are running on our local stations hence it has to bear with all my hate.

So all this work was done because my aunt (she of power of a praying wife fame) is visiting and I really did not want to sit with her and hear why God said that we must get married and have children and other such lectures. So I haven’t bought movies for my house in ages hence I decided I would love to rewatch back up plan don’t ask me why.

For those who have not watched the movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1212436/ (read review there). It came to me as I watched the movie that maybe Jlo was onto something, we all need a back up plan. We need a back up plan for work, for starting a family (like Jlo) and given the new breed of men a back up plan for relationships.

So why do I say you need a back up plan for the relationship; well the stories of men using marriage as a way to lure girls into their bedrooms are on the rise! In the past year the number of girls who were duped by boys ( these cannot be confused for men) who claimed they were also looking for happy endings was very high and am sure it will get higher with this new year. What makes this brand of men worse than the rest is not that they are not interested in forever they are but not with the ladies they are with.

So if your man is not DingTR or stating exactly where you stand is it right to have a plan B?? Some ladies need a plan B more than they realize and this is not even coming from me. So during one of those night we have with my girls that make me doze the next day at work from morning to evening we discussed signs that you might need a back up plan.

First and foremost if you have been dating for some time and I mean sooome time and when you bring up the topic of marriage he either says nothing or looks like he wants to be anywhere other than where you are. then babe you need a plan B. I have heard in the past that most men know a woman they’ll marry just in the first few interactions with her and if he decided you’re not the one then short of a miracle from up above or a one on one with God will make him change his mind.

If you are a secret love not only do you need a plan B then you might be a spice. Have you been dating for three months and you hook up in hotel rooms out of town? Does he introduce you to his friends as his good friend or just say “hey this is ( insert your name here)” then dearest you need a plan B FAST. with some men you might not be a spice but he could purposely be keeping himself open for a Plan A. I don’t advocate for PDA but a little like hand holding is healthy in a relationship.

Have you been dating for a year plus and you don’t know enough friends to count off on one hand?? And all are in the same country you are? How fast can you say plan B! Does your man’s persona change whenever his friends are around especially female friends? Those are signs of a man who is not only in de- Nile but is taking you along for a swim.

The things some men do are soo dastardly that they make you believe men are actually from Saturn. This year recognize what kind of relationship you are in. Lets wipe less tears this year.

 

P.S. I forgot my manners HAPPY NEW YEAR