My How to guide…..

So many “How To” books have been written with the aim of making us better human beings but do they help?? I have one thing I have vowed and that is I will never read a motivational book from start to finish they’re just crap!! well some are good…

However, there are a few books I think everyone should buy their growing children and these are How To books. The most important one is How to kiss a guy… oh wait there are two but let’s start with the first one.

How to kiss a guy: This is a kissing manual for teens esp those with braces.. (my apologies go to one Sam Mbugua whom I believe I gave a split tongue) Braces make an already daunting task even harder, I think the first paragraph should go something like….

“Whatever you saw in the movies should not be applied here”

The Bold and the Beautiful, The Young and the Restless and all those other useless soaps were where I got kissing tips from hence horrible first kiss!! When my friend first kissed a boy I tried to coax her into telling me how it went lakini bad friend she was she never told me (Brenda Kithinji you evil cow!)  So I had to wait and find out and it did not take long to find out and disaster struck! First kiss and he was attached and I mean literally.. his tongue got stuck in my braces (shudders!) the horror!! luckily we separated without help from outsiders and I’m glad to say I got out unscathed… Mbugz on the other hand….

The book should also warn young folk that teeth have no business in a kiss especially the not so gentle kind unless you’re dating some S&M freak biting is for pleasure not to draw blood! Enough said!!

The tongue.. Is alive it is not to be placed in the other mouth like a dead fish! neither should it be like an exploration for tonsils… The other offender is saliva too much s/he will drown and that would be classified as a kiss of death.

To really and truly enjoy a kiss it must be with someone you like.. in the movies when they show fireworks in the background when two people are kissing that’s what a kiss with a true Love/Like will feel like.

The second book a young person should get but probably at 19 is “Oral sex a guide to explosive O’s” However personal experiences cannot be put down because I suspect my mum reads the things I write and I live with her.. Can you say Awkward!!

P.s Brenda Kithinji does not read my blog and I would like to keep that way….


1 Comment

  1. Hi Wanja,
    I hope you’re well. I just wanted to ask you for a favor since you are Flo’s best friend. Her birthday is coming up and I wanted to send her a gift. I was thinking of a pair of heels but im not sure what size she is. However, you could also give me an idea of what would blow her mind (hoping you won’t mention diamonds!); she never goes a day without talking about you 🙂 . please help!

    * You write well.

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