My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and I am soo sad for her, not because he was a good man far from it( infact we’re all celebrating)but because she has to start in the dating field all over again.

Most people don’t understand this but I find dating to be hard work, so much so that I shudder at the thought at the thought of starting the whole dating process.

So the stages of dating….

You meet a guy you like him maybe he doesn’t like you, but you luck out and he likes you so he asks for your number and you give it to him all this time you’re containing the little girl in you from jumping up and down with excitement.

So you go home and wait for the first call, the beast of a man waits two whole days before he calls, 48 hours and still not a word from him, and when he does call you’re half mad and half dancing that he finally called. All he wanted was to say hi and he does not ask you out for dinner or coffee!! The nerve!

So he calls again this time to ask you but there’s a problem he’s called Friday and he wants to go out in a few hours time, do you say yes or no I mean all the dating gurus say you should not let it look like you’ve kept your calendar free hoping he’ll call you but on the other hand the only other plans you have are to go home and stare at your cat and watch Gilmore Girls.. So you decide with the wise advise and you tell him you’ll have to take a rainchek. Immediately he hangs up you’re distressed and call yourself all kinds of fools but you cannot call him back without looking crazy so you let it go but the man on the other hand now knows he has to up his game

The next time he calls in good time and this time the date is planned: So the D(ate) day finally comes and you’re a nervous wreck what to wear something sexy without being slutty and making it look like you’re trying too hard! Finally you find the dress and leave for the date.

Arrive at the restaurant and reality hits you; he’s not as handsome as you remember or maybe just maybe if you’re lucky he is more handsome 🙂 so you sit down to dinner (side note: I hate Lunch dates) and it’s time to order you look at the menu looking for something that will not be messy or be hard to eat and will not leave you with bad breath or require you to use your fingers and is of course not too expensive.

The conversation is also tricky what are the right questions to ask without being too nosy? Make sure to laugh at all his jokes even the not so funny ones, check on your posture, don’t talk with your mouth full. Finally the first date is done and its time to go home. He drops you off at home and leaves with a casual wave.

You go home and replay the details of the evening all through the night to the point you can hardly sleep! The next day at a decent time you text/call to thank dude for dinner and make small talk for some time and then hung up promising to meet up again.

Second date comes this is the date where you’re supposed to share your first kiss and most probably the date that will decide if you will be together for long! So this time you go for a movie he chooses action; you hate action but you have to live through it as it’s a date and you can’t see different movies after all. You’re bored out of your weave and when it’s finally over you head out for a drink. He’s not half bad and you see him as a man you could possibly spend forever with. He drops you off again and this time he leans in and kisses you…. on the cheek!!

So two weeks later and no third date! What did you do wrong? Do you call him at the risk of seeming desperate? You replay the date over and over again but all went well at least in your opinion and then your phone rings and its him! You talk and hold all you joy inside to explode when you’re alone. You agree to meet the next day for dinner.

Let’s skip to the last part when you finally kiss! He’s good he’s really good and you feel your toes curling your hair standing on end and like the world has come to a standstill. Then he says goodnight.

The first time you have sex is not easy either… you’re a nervous wreck! you nick yourself while shaving, you buy new undies matching of course, you worry that you will be disappointed that he will be disappointed and the morning after… Have you already a DTR ( Define the relationship?) Life is very hard… The morning after comes with its own challenges when is the right time to leave? Do you leave before he wakes (a very good idea if he was not all you thought) Do you wait for him to wake up? Do you make him breakfast? Do you say thank you??

Please note if at any of this stages something should go wrong you’re back to square one….

Dating sucks! but if it works out then its fun if one ever finds themselves in my position thinking of the hustles of dating then be prepared to be an old maid cos you will never date! Thank God I don’t plan on dating soon.

I wonder if men go through the same?




  1. 🙂 to answer ur swali if men go thru the same, yes we do and maybe even worse since we do not know wht kind of past u hard and the expectations u have for us, if we’ll meet them or not..its scary if we think ur stds r higher than wht we can..but then again its part of life we have to go thru.
    and is the side note a hint hint?

    • Really its so good to know but how can you worry about their past you also have pasts… Kwanza baby mamas scary!!

      • i completely agree, by past i meant wht the previous relationship offered coz its easy to compare the both and tht will very easily hurt the jamaa.

  2. yes dating is not easy for either sexes but we get our knickers in a twist more than the guys

  3. My goodness this sounds anguishing for the ladies. Men (the ones i know at least) dont really fret this much. The worst that could happen is if 1. She mentions the word marriage. 2. Comes with an ‘im hot and u need to kiss my ass’ attitude 3. Mentions marriage again. 4. Talks about her financial woes.

    • hahahaha! marriage is the best word to throw about especially if you don’t like a guy so if a girl mentions marriage its one of two things 1. she’s seriously psycho or 2. she’s just not that into you.

    • biko, cld i add 4. when always talking abt the Ex and hw gd he was to her?

  4. I dont hink most guys fret as much. @biko has said the most of it

  5. the key question at hand is do you fuck him like its your first time or do you fuck him like its the last time…make it sooo good…or leave room for improvement?

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