A story is told of two monks who were headed to the local market to buy their weekly supplies for the monastery, on the way they came to a river where they met a stranded lady. One monk after careful consideration walked over and carried her across the river; the other monk stared in shock as his brother lifted the lady and carried her in his arms. When he rejoined him they walked on but the second monk was seething with anger; and after they bought their wares and were headed back to the monastery he finally broached the subject and told his brother,

“You really shocked me, you flouted all the rules of our order by carrying that lady across that river.”

With a shy smile the second monk looked at him and told him,

“Brother, I may have carried that lady across the river but you have been carrying her all these miles.”


We need to learn how to let go (Don’t I sound like a preacher :)) Many times we walk around with a chip on our shoulders always on the warpath because someone hurt you or did something to you. Revenge is good (I should know) but does it solve anything? We lose out on so much just because so and so did this and that and we’ll never move on until we get our own back! Okay! Fine! Go ahead and get your revenge but move the heck on!

This is not the kind of thing that I say often but am going to come right out and say it; forgiveness takes a bigger person that carrying that grudge for years. Granted your heart was broken but the best revenge you can have is to move on with your life… Lets see, have you ever broken up with someone and a few weeks after the tears just as you start healing and you’re able to smile again you meet said person smiling and laughing with someone else like you’re a distant memory? That feeling of being stabbed in the side, that smile that just won’t stay in place when you’re introduced to the new lady/gent, the pain in your heart, the questions why? why? why? So now imagine that kind of pain on someone else, how? Move on and be happy its a delicious revenge all on its own. If the word forgiveness brings a bitter taste in your mouth then move on forget what went down and be happy! Let them see you and be the ones with the pangs.

I know, I know, easier said than done right? When you open yourself you’ll never believe where the opportunities come from; that neighbor you’ve never noticed, the coworker who says hi each morning, the waiter who knows what your usual order is and never forgets despite the thousands of faces s/he sees a day. See where am headed with this? Once you let go of the hurt, it’s easier to move on. I always accuse my cousin of having  backstreet degree in medicine, but I would like to believe my degree is not from said college but from a very good school. The school of loss and forgeture!

Granted, mourning loss is normal but do not dwell on it more than is necessary! By all means cry because you won’t have those deep conversations with THAT person, cry because the special space THAT person occupied is now empty, but you better realize all you’ve lost is THAT person and not your ability to love again. you got together for a reason and if they don’t notice that and actually let you go, then they don’t deserve you. Smile and hold your head up high because somewhere there is someone who does deserve you and whom you will share all those moments with again and they’ll take care of you and you’ll take care of them.


Never give someone that much power over you especially if they don’t deserve it.



1 Comment

  1. Preach it sister!

    Spot on. They say maintaining bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to drop dead.

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