Another relationship piece..



So I received a frantic text from a girl pal asking me to call her ASAP. Now I was headed for work and didn’t want to distract ONO with the long call so I waited till I got to work.

I dial Rapunzel and she doesn’t even bother say hello… “J is upto something fishy” So she went on and on about how she found her man texting in the middle of the night and sometimes he gets calls and he is vague and answers the caller in monosyllables; there’s also the fact that despite dating for quite sometime he is vague with their status and she never gets to meet some of his friends especially Female friends.

Now Rapunzel has a sound head on her shoulders and she’s not the kind to go snooping looking for trouble but somehow trouble seems to find her. she is not possessive and is not the jealous kind “my man shall not call a woman or have female friends”, I say this with confidence cos I’ve been through thick and thin with that girl. High school, Primary school, campus you name it!

So Rapunzel caught J on the phone, big deal you’re thinking there’s nothing to it; but a woman knows her man just like a man knows  his woman. When ONO calls me I’m told my voice and the look on my face changes so am sure the same thing happens to him because even just listening to him on the phone I can hear the smile in his voice, so Rapunzel has walked in on J crooning on the phone to said unknown person. She lets it go but it sticks with her, here they are seated at home and J starts getting texts at midnight (Been there by the way) He marathon texts for 20 minutes and he smiles to some replies, now the red flag is up and there’s no putting it down until questions have been answered.

She coyly asks “sweetie kwani there’s a problem” and he answers shortly “no” there isn’t, so she tries a different tact, are you watching this moving ama I weka the Food network (she never said food but its the one station I like that Toots doesn’t) he tells her dismissively, its okay just change. Now at this point she knows something is definitely up! They had endless fights about the movie choice and J won and now he doesn’t want to watch it??? Even I would ask a question and not as nicely as Rapunzel did. (sidetrack) phones will ruin relationships, they’ve already ruined several and I see more on the path of destruction (end of sidetrack) she finally took the bull by the horns (My english teacher must be so  proud) and asked him who he was texting, he gave her a bullcrap laden story about texting a colleague about ish.

So here comes my problem and what I’d really like to tell my friend but I can’t tell her “Nigger is hiding something” First a “survey” (it was just a tweet guys responded to) shows that men don’t marathon text each other so if your man is marathon texting then nigga is texting a woman.

Men don’t put on woiye voices for other dudes so if his intonation changes when he’s on the phone ‘nigga is on the phone with a woman”

No man receives a text from a colleague especially on Saturday night after midnight and he’s a Bank Clerk to discuss business.. No loan is that important. That man is lieing through his teeth.

The advice I gave Rapunzel was unconventional to say the least; I”m not one to go look for trouble, hence you’ll never hear am having fights because I went through ONO’s phone or his emails or his pockets, granted its issues of trust (he trusts me and I trust him) but also because I believe we cannot lie forever and whatever one does always come out in the open. And it also works for my partner, I cannot lie to him forever sooner or later the truth will out so I try to be as honest as possible.

Patience pays and as she’s still happy Rapunzel is sticking with J but she’s on higher alert than America when N.Korea is doing Nuclear testing.

So to save all women the agony and just tiring work of going through his phone: Relax men cannot multitask and sooner or later the Nigger will f*** up then you can leave him.

Now to go meet Rapunzel and listen as she insults the man she’ll be going home to later 🙂






  1. :-)) # 1 fan loves this!

  2. I Love you number one…. Keep bringing sunshine 🙂

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