I have done this post over and over in my mind till I feel like am rewinding. Sometimes when I don’t have a title for my post I leave it blank telling myself I’ll think about it and by the time I finish I’ll have the title in my head. I forget to add the title more times than I remember so now you know why I have many posts without titles.

My pal J recently celebrated 11 years of marriage with her first-born. Her husband must be the most patient man in the world and he is like an angel. There lives are soo well meshed together. I have seen so much rubbish as far as relationships are concerned but this is one of those couples that gives me strength to believe in real love.

I remembered a conversation I once had with her; I asked her how she keeps things fresh and how her and her hubby don’t get into silly fights, I mean yeah they argue and disagree but they always manage to patch things up and live happily no fuss. So she told me that everyone has their place in their relationship.

An example; I have a cousin who dated her husband for 7 years before they got married and when they finally said “I Do” things started going downhill from that point. Allow me to digress but why is it soo much easier to be a good girlfriend than  to be a good wife? Anyway so my cousin was a very good girlfriend took good care of her man but after that week in Ethiopia she relaxed… again I digress but it reminds me of a story I read a very long time ago “truly married woman” by Abioseh Nicol.

In a relationship everyone has their place and as chauvinist as this may sound its the truth so hate me or love but the truth remains men provide women use!  Here’s what I mean

J wakes up in the morning makes her husband breakfast and she chooses out his clothes, then she goes and showers and prepares for work. In the evening she comes from work and prepares supper, he comes home she serves him, he eats she clears the dishes and cleans them. Please note her man is not allowed to lift a finger to do anything she considers her work. She cooks for him, she cleans for him, she makes sure when he leaves the house he is a good reflection on her health-wise and how he looks. and you can bet the man is one happy and lucky dude. I asked her how she keeps it up because we all agree it does get tiring. Her answer was simple: “he treats me like a queen I treat him like a king”

On the other side of town not soo far but it might as well be heaven and hell; enter my cousin’s residence. She is not talking to her husband because well he’s being a pig as usual. Granted Z can be a special kind of jackass you know the kind you never know how you ended up with but he’s changed a lot since he married cousin. He buys stuff yes and pays rent, but that’s it with all the similarities of the old guy. What has changed? Well first and foremost wifey got a housegirl  and she does everything and I mean everything for them! She cleans their room, cleans their clothes, cooks for them, irons and is almost the wife of the house except she doesn’t have the gold band. I’m not blaming my cousin because well housework is tiring but what will she do when babies check in? Huo ni uvivu wa hali ya juu.


Before rocks are thrown and am blamed for God knows how many crimes against humanity let me say this I have no issues with ladies getting some help around the house but when you’re just the two of you I don’t see the need for stay at home househelp. Yeah so you work and get home late and tired but before kids this is the only time you and your better half have together alone for almost 30 years so make the most of it.

Call me old-fashioned but my momma taught me if you have a good man who takes care of you then you should take care of him. Know where his socks are and what shirts of his are clean and what he’s going to eat for dinner.

P.S. Now that am on the topic I still think that housegirls should never clean the master bedroom that’s just letting them into your private space.


PPS: This post is dedicated to two people.. King Muriithi who gets inspiration from this blog am still trying to figure that one out. My condolences on the passing on of your friend they’re in a much better place.

And OnO for everything you do :).




  1. I agree with you perspective much as I don’t have much experience with relationships.
    There is a place for both the man and the woman in a relationship, trouble starts when these roles are neglected.
    Great piece on reality check!

  2. thanks for the dedz. i appreciate alot.

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